BY NOW YOU KNOW IT – we live in the home of the free, land of the brave, where the deer and the antelope play.
But America is not just a country my friends, America is a way of life. It's a mind set that only the boldest can embrace. And there's one day a year where we all strap on our best red, white & blue, crack open a cold can of America and blast God Bless the U.S.A. for all the world to hear.
But you know you can do better. We can all do better. So below, I present to you the top 10 ways to add a little more America to your Fourth of July.
1. Mullets. They really separate the men from the boys.
2. Eagles. If you don't have an eagle, don't talk to me.
3. Queen 🐝. Preferably in an eagle costume. (I fly (okay), I fly (okay), I fly (okay))
4. and if Hulk Hogan's free, toss him in front of an American flag with an electric guitar. He'll take you to Shred City and then it's Game. Over.
5. Now ya gotta spice it up a little with... MONSTERRRR TRUUUUUCKS .
6. and after you've done some mind blowing flips, you're gonna need to fuel back up. A whole lotta sandwiches will do the trick (and don't forget the BBQ chips because 'merica) 😉 #plug
By now all of your friends are jealous. You've got Queen 🐝 here, you're driving a sweet truck, bald eagles are soaring majestically above and you just slammed a #5 with hot peppers.
7. Now melt their faces off with a few burn outs in your driveway... NASCAR style obviously.
8. You've probably worked up a sweat. Time to chill out to the smooth, cool sound of jazz music from our 42nd President. (I think you've got a whole band blasting sweet freedom by now.)
9. Do you know what goes pretty good with jazz music? Fighter jets MAKING AN EAGLE IN THE SKY.
10. Now in one final show of your true Americanism, gather up about 70,000 fireworks and light them off. All. At. Once.
Now get out there, make Toby Keith proud, and get your America on.
Happy Fourth of July!!